Street Children


Sweet dreams my little amigo
Barefoot and homeless in Rio de Janeiro
Sleepin' on the steps of the church
Whose doors are locked
Livin' in a cardboard box
Inside at the shrine
The priest sips fine wine
Dines on fine food and looks for a sign
No mother no father
No shoes nor a bed
No place to relax and rest his weary head
Where his next meal will come from
Nobody knows
But everyone can see the church is covered in gold

Wish I had a home
With ten million rooms
I'd open up the doors
And let the street children through
Wish that I could scoop
All of those children in my arms
And give the love they need
And to protect them all from harm

Wish I had a home
With ten million rooms
I'd open up the doors
And let the street children through
Wish that I could scoop
All of those children in my arms
And give the love they need
And to protect them all from harm

Wish I had a home
With ten million rooms
I'd open up the doors
And let the street children through
Wish that I could scoop
All of those children in my arms
And give the love they need
And to protect them all from harm


Lyrics by:
Brown

Available on:
The World Is Yours (3.52)

Details:

Top: The priesthood in the Americas is not a gluttonous banquet of iniquity; one need only look to the life of Archbishop Óscar Romero for ample evidence of that. Romero was assassinated in March 1980 while celebrating Mass in El Salvador, and stands in the gallery of 20th century martyrs at Westminster Abbey, holding a child, alongside the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr and Pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer (there is only one 'Christian Faith' and that is the Catholic Faith; there do not exist heretical or schismatic martyr-saints, but I digress...). The International Labour Office (ILO) estimate that 16.1% of children aged 10 to 14 years are economically active in Brazil. 4.2 million children are believed to be working in abusive conditions. Brazil has the third largest amount of working children in Latin America after Haiti and Bolivia. According to the ILO, 7,860 children and adolescents in eight cities in Rio de Janeiro are working in painful and unhealthy conditions. 2,160 do not go to school. How, pray tell, is this the fault of the Roman Catholic Church, Ian ? Speaking to The Guardian in September 2005, Ian questioned the sincerity of Bono's concern for the Third World in labelling the U2 frontman 'Mr Africa'. By extension, the claim could be made that Ian Brown is desperately trying to show the world that he's 'Mr Latin America' here. Seek God's approval and not man's applause. There is a neighbourhood in Rio de Janeiro named City of God (Cidade de Deus). The Catholic Church is not interested in a temporal, image-boosting decrial of poverty in that City of God, but rather, has her eye fixed firmly on the richness of the Augustinian City of God. "For, we have not here a lasting city, but we seek one that is to come." (Hebrews 13: 14). There we shall rest and see, we shall see and love, we shall love and praise. Behold what will be at the end without end. For what other end do we have, if not to reach the kingdom which has no end ? (St. Augustine, De civ. Dei 22,30,5:PL 41,804). God has created another world to correct the injustices of this one.
Middle: St. Vincent de Paul, Apostle of the Poor, has every line of that Street Children chorus ticked, with two important distinctions. Firstly, he progressed very quickly beyond the 'wish' stage, and secondly, his home was built on solid Catholic foundations. Faith is a virtue, and virtue is inclined toward action, just as the strength in a muscle is inclined toward activity. Faith and works. Obedience of mind and will. "Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are." (St. Augustine). We are not so heavenly minded as to be of no earthly good; being heavenly minded should inspire us to be more earthly good. Love is, after all, an act of the will, not an emotion.
Bottom: In order to foment antipathy toward the priesthood, Ian Brown is keen to give the impression that the priest is tucking into a slap up meal and enjoying a private wine tasting session during the Eucharistic Sacrifice. For anyone unfamiliar with what takes place at the Eucharist in the Catholic Church, here is what the priest is consecrating. Quite the banquet, as you can see for yourself. If you wish to see such diabolical hatred of the church in action in South America, see the satanic feminazi attack on the Cathedral of San Juan de Cuyo in November 2013. Truly, heaven and hell separated by inches. Every now and then, hell overplays its hand and shows its true colours.

Every day, the Catholic Church feeds, clothes, shelters and educates more people than any other institution on the face of the planet. On the track immediately following Street Children, social justice warrior Ian Brown entertains a woman who spearheaded the largest pro-abortion rally ever seen in Ireland. What about the rights - a quick one, just off the top of my head: the right to life - and well-being of those children, Ian ?* This is, after all, the foundational social justice issue. True equality allows all to be born and you can't be any poorer than dead. These babies were never allowed to see the light of day. Their cradle is their grave. If children cannot even find a safe home in the womb, then kick that fanciful home with ten million rooms firmly into touch. Among the first of God's creation to recognize our Redeemer and Saviour was a preborn child, John, the Baptist. The existentialist says you only become human when you can use your own will. A dehumanisation of the baby, the abortion industry's child-sacrifice to the god of promiscuity (Planned Genocide) is the prized possession of the diabolical realms. He was a liar and murderer from the beginning. All done in white gloves, this shedding of conscience is clinical evil, dismembering babies in the womb and selling them to get rich. Fetal Cannibalism, Planned Parenthood Style. Abortion is and will forever remain the sacrament of the Left. Such is the state of the world today that the extreme left doesn't have to have children. They reproduce themselves by taking yours.

The present whereabouts of some Nazi gold that disappeared into European banking institutions in 1945 has been the subject of several books, conspiracy theories, and a civil suit brought in January 2000 in California against the Vatican Bank, the Franciscan Order and other defendants. The suit against the Vatican Bank did not claim that the gold was then in its possession, and has since been dismissed. The Swiss National Bank, the largest gold distribution centre in continental Europe before the war, was the logical venue through which Nazi Germany could dispose of its gold. During the war, the SNB received $440m in gold from Nazi sources, of which $316m is estimated to have been looted. Ian's wrath at the plight of the street children would be better directed towards the child labour which continues to plague these developing countries. His cheap demagogic dream of a home to 'scoop' up and accommodate these children, much like Jay-Z's imaginary cartoon superpowers, bring nothing to the table. Many a Miss World has recited a yearning to behold world peace, but any desire for good has to be cultivated (It's one thing knowing the world is upside down...). External presentation is no guarantee of the internal disposition. Herod feigned worship of the newborn King while he held murder in his heart. Judas made a false appeal on behalf of the poor while he was stealing and plotting betrayal. A "home with ten million rooms" is (rather conveniently) an unrealistic attainment; Ian probably added a few extra zeros to his original intended target, lest he ever feel obliged to put his money where his spiritual mouth is. However, one thousand individuals in Rio de Janeiro with "no shoes nor a bed" could be instantaneously provided with footwear if Ian Brown and Noel Gallagher (see below) were to get their heads together. If wishes were trainers, the beggars would stride. The mindset exemplified by such blatant contradiction is basking in a society where social abstractions and sinful structures have taken the place of personal morality and individual responsibility. As one reviewer incisively commented on this track, "The sophomoric lyrics read like the diary entry of an 8th grade girl the night after her social studies class discussed Darfur." (Joe Tangari, Pitchfork, November 2007). Feeding temporary bellies while starving immortal souls, those promoting social justice to the exclusion of the Cross are robbing the poor of the treasury of salvation. In a world high on Social Justice and low on God, children are 'scooped up' like ice cream, whilst Madonna's cherry-picking of babies from the African continent is elevated as a paragon of beauty. In this grand scheme of things, the insufferable Sinead O'Connor, through her various machinations against the Roman Catholic Church, is hailed by Ian as a "rebel", in conversation with www.contactmusic.com in September 2005 (Lucifer, too, was a rebel, lest we forget). On this and other tracks from The World Is Yours LP, there is a level of global self-importance unsettlingly close to Michael Jackson's quasi-messianic 1996 BRIT Awards performance, that was welcomely gatecrashed by Jarvis Cocker. Quite how a track such as this can sit with any degree of comfort alongside Just Like You (A.D.I.D.A.S.) in the artist's back catalogue beggars belief. At the height of the Roses, Ian was prone to wearing tops bearing the image of the African continent, but in his solo career, is sadly all too willing to become a promotional pawn for a company exploiting its children. Ian Brown's solo work is strongly identifiable by its demeanour of social and political commentary; however, when the artist turns a blind eye to such a major issue as child labour in his eager promotion of Adidas, it rather diminishes his credibility in this regard. During hearings in 2000 with the European Parliament's Development Committee, it was reported that clothing produced for Adidas was manufactured in two Indonesian companies employing child labour, forced overtime, and sexual harassment. Charges included using children as young as fifteen, forcing them to work at least seventy hours a week, and paying them far below the International Labour Organization's demand for a living wage. A 2004 report by Oxfam and trade unions cited major sportswear firms such as Adidas, Reebok, Nike and Puma of having their goods produced "by workers around the world whose rights are being regularly violated." The report included accusations of seven-day work weeks during peak production periods, 16 to 18 hour work days, sexual harassment of female workers, and forced overtime without pay. Working as shills for Adidas in March 2010, Ian Brown and Noel Gallagher were asked how much Adidas material they owned. Each estimated that their combined total of Adidas pairs of shoes would easily "run into four figures", finding it highly amusing that a large quantity of these are situated in various storage facilities, unused (Keep what ya got, by storing it all away...). Attempting to defend such unashamed promotional consumerism, Ian explains, "You'd think I was the greediest man in the world, but it's all been given to me out of pure kindness and love." One would imagine that this 'kindness and love' from the Adidas people is to some degree dependent reciprocally upon Ian's fawning promotion of the brand in various advertisement and promotional activity.** "You'd feel physically sick if you saw my Adidas collection", Ian jests in the same interview. You said it, pilgrim...

 

Rows one to three: Screengrabs from an Oxfam investigation into Adidas workers in Indonesia. In his blissful ignorance of such exploitation, Ian is himself closing his eyes to the plight of African and Asian children. In an interview with The Guardian on 15th September 2007, Ian expresses his desire to send JCBs into the Vatican, the very heart of Catholicism; should that particular venture fail, the vehicle can at least instead be put to use hauling his own swelling Adidas collection, if ever required. The most telling discovery the singer will make, should he ever (God forbid) have the opportunity to excavate St. Peter's Basilica, will be the trophies of those who founded this Church. For here he will find the tomb of Saint Peter, Prince of the Apostles (on this rock, Christ did build His church). Peter is truly vicarious of Christ. Ubi Petrus, ibi ecclesia: Where Peter is, there is the Church. The cantankerous nature of Ian's blustering against the Vatican leads one to conclude that the singer's apparent crusade for social justice in Rio de Janeiro is fuelled not on a strictly humanitarian level; rather, the driving incentive here seems to be a desire to destroy the Roman Catholic Church by gutting it of its essence. The Church is not an NGO with a few crucifixes decorating the walls. The Church is primarily a body with her eyes fixed on Christ and the hope of the beatific vision, which means eternal life in the Holy Trinity. It is not a social agency dedicated to running soup kitchens. While that type of work is important and has a glorious history in the annals of the Church, it was always done primarily as an act of love toward neighbour because of their inherent dignity as a child of God, and with the aim of helping them get to heaven. The two greatest commandments are not equal. The first is 'to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.' The second is 'Like it, love your neighbour as yourself.' The second is not truly possible without the first. Vertical first, horizontal second. That is always the divine order. Fr. John Hardon provides the true meaning of charity: "the infused supernatural virtue by which a person loves God above all things for his own sake and loves others for God's sake." Martha and Mary are always inseparable, even if, time to time, the accent can fall on one or the other. Archbishop Fulton Sheen commented that if the Social Justice crowd were ever to look for a patron saint, they would find one in Judas Iscariot, the intellectual father of Marxism: "If you march with a banner, if you protest, then your individual life may be impure, alcoholic, anything you please. That does not matter. Judas is the patron saint of those who divide that universal law of God: Love God and love neighbour." The demagogue with his voters, the Communist with his proletariat, the Liberation Theologian with his poor. They withhold the oil from Jesus' head. In the words of St. Francis of Assisi, "The law of Christ, which finds its fulfilment in charity, binds us to desire the welfare of people's soul more than that of the body." Saint Teresa of Ávila received a vision from God in which there was a crystal globe with seven mansions, with God in the innermost mansion. She interpreted this vision as an allegory for the soul's relationship with God, with each mansion representing one place on a path towards the spiritual marriage with God in the seventh mansion: "I began to think of the soul as if it were a castle made of a single diamond or of very clear crystal, in which there are many rooms, just as in Heaven there are many mansions. Now if we think carefully over this, sisters, the soul of the righteous man is nothing but a paradise, in which, as God tells us, He takes His delight." (The Interior Castle, Chapter One). Christ converses secretly with our souls in laetitia cordis. Through Him the children of light rise to eternal life and the halls of the heavenly Kingdom are thrown open to the faithful. The spiritual has precedence over the material, the eternal over the temporal. Let the dead bury their dead. Jesus did not come to get the people out of the slums - but to get the slums out of the people. The poor you will always have with you. We live in time, but we have the timeless in our hearts. In the world, but not of the world, we are homesick in our own homes (Chesterton), pilgrims in our own land (Augustine). If Ian Brown has genuine concern for street children, then I suggest he read up on the life of Saint John Bosco for a fine template that he might follow. As it is, a man dressed head-to-toe in a complimentary tracksuit with a patently misplaced philanthropic concern for the children is all getting a bit Jimmy Jangle. What passes today for Social Justice, a Naturalist Soup-Kitchen Theology, is a radical subversion of Church teaching. The Church has a social teaching, of which justice is a component. Once Ian Brown has retrieved his head from his rectum, I would recommend that he read Rerum Novarum. No merely human organization has ever excelled the Church in her care for the poor, even if this is not her primary mission on earth. But nowhere does she enjoin upon the faithful any duty to submit the administration of justice and charity either to an 'invisible hand' or to regulatory bureaucracies controlled by men without faith who are more often than not oppressors of the poor under the guise of defending their rights. The grinding poverty of Latin America is precisely where we see the consequences of such submission, where global capitalism has callously exploited labour and 'liberation theology' has fomented violent revolution while liberating no one. Worse still, is the business of professional bleeding hearts turning victimhood into currency. The working class of Marxist discourse has been replaced by 'minorities'. 'The poor' (boilerplate Marxist class warfare incitement) is now a dogwhistle for any and all 'victim classes', a haven for the unrepentant whose deviant behavioural choices the Church and Natural Law condemn. Catholic social teaching obliges us to recognize and oppose capitalist individualist materialism as well as socialist collectivist materialism. Both lack the proper sense of Catholic and natural order and both have been brutally disrespectful of Christian morality and God's earth. The Catholic Church does not reject the world, but rather seeks its perfection in grace (her seven sacraments are pure grace). The Catholic Church has all bases covered in the seven corporal works of mercy; the further you move away from the Magisterium of the Roman Catholic Church in any 'crusade against poverty', the closer you edge towards the monstrous totalitarian vision of Saul Alinsky who, the last time I checked, dedicated his final work - 1971's Rules for Radicals - to Lucifer.
Rows four & five: Screengrabs from a 2010 Adidas promotional advertisement, one of several to feature Ian Brown and Noel Gallagher serving as enthused hired hands. The maxim of Church law is the salvation of souls. Da Mihi Animas Caetera Tolle. The Roman Catholic Church is not a church of accommodation for the world; it is a church of salvation for the world. The concern of the Roman Catholic Church is to save the souls of mankind, whereas the priority for this pair of human billboards seems to lie firmly with saving the soles of Adidas. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.***
Rows six & seven: On this subject, Ras Kass also needs to sit down and have a strong word with himself. On Nature of the Threat, the rapper decries the exploitation and oppression of the world's developing regions, yet is more than happy himself to chase the Yankee dollar with his 2010 album, 'A.D.I.D.A.S. (All Day I Dream About Spittin)' (eighth row, left), the title track of which is a glorified Adidas commercial. Cut from the same cloth is the excremental Jake Bugg video Slumville Sunrise, directed by the Archbishop of Banterbury, Shane Meadows. Foxtrot Oscar with this Benny Hill shtick once and for all, will you ?
Eighth row (right): Where do I start with this one ? Adidas whisks Ras Kass to South Africa to promote his new album and, by association, the sports brand. Where does the tour hit next ? Bangladesh ?
Bottom row: Having made inroads with Ian Brown, there was little doubt who was steering the tour bus when the corporate reach of Adidas extended into the schedule of the reformed Roses in 2012. At the 2012 London Olympics, War on Want sought to heighten awareness of the sports brand's exploitation of workers via a video projection on a building (bottom) overlooking the Olympic Park, on 5th August 2012. The very next day, it was announced that The Stone Roses would play an "intimate" show that evening (6th August 2012), "in association with Adidas", the Olympic Games sportswear partner. War on Want's research claimed that Adidas had, by the time of this projection, already sold £100 million of Olympic clothing, while workers making its goods around the world are paid poverty wages and are having to skip meals to survive. The charity beamed the 65 feet high image - which proclaimed "exploitation - not ok here, not ok anywhere" underneath the famous Adidas three-striped logo - as the sell-out 80,000 crowd left the stadium after the Olympic highlight, the men's 100 metres final. Murray Worthy, War on Want's sweatshops campaigner, said: "Adidas are making millions, yet the workers who produce their clothes have to skip meals just to get by. This is exploitation. It wouldn't be OK for Adidas to do this in the UK and it shouldn't be OK anywhere else. Adidas must ensure that workers are paid enough to live." With the world's eyes on London, the protest follows reports that Adidas factory workers near the Cambodian capital Phnom Penh receive £10 a week basic pay, are forced to work overtime, cannot afford sufficient food and live in squalid conditions. War on Want also cites other Adidas workers, struggling to survive on pay substantially below a living wage, in the Philippines, Indonesia, Sri Lanka and China. It contrasts the workers' poverty pay with the £529 million profits Adidas recorded in 2011 and its chief executive Herbert Hainer's £4.6 million 'compensation' the previous year. During this "intimate show" (for 'intimate', read in bed with Adidas), Ian was making dedications to cyclist Bradley Wiggins ("the king of England") and athlete Jessica Ennis ("the queen of England"). Under what pretence is Ian Brown raising a proverbial glass of bubbly to celebrate the Best of British ? Less than two months prior to this, you were making a song and dance about wiping your arse with that flag; perhaps we do have need for those stinkin' badges after all. This Adidas black tie affair, the format of which bore resemblance to An Audience with Kylie Minogue, featured some figures - both from the world of celebrity and media - who clearly did not know their arse from their elbow when it came to music. The Sun newspaper interviewed Bradley Wiggins at the event, and the report by Ellie Ross (7th August 2012) is a tour de force of Olympic-standard bellendery: Bradley, 32, recently revealed how pivotal The Roses were to his youth, saying: "Music to me is not just something you listen to - I've always been gripped by it. The first song that ever really stopped me in my tracks was when I was 11, in my first year at secondary school in 1991. I came back home from school and saw the Stone Roses doing Don't Stop on the television. That stuck in my memory and I started getting into the Stone Roses, just as they were coming into their best period, which was lucky." What'chu talkin' 'bout, Wiggins ? "Music to me is not just something you listen to" ? Now if a Bach or a Hendrix were to begin a sentence thus, I'm with them all the way. Bradley freaking Wiggins ? You can ceremonially fuck right off with that one, you colossal helmet. Sifting through this Doug Rocket-esque pinpointing of inspiration, we are transported back to an 11-year-old Bradley glued to a television screen in 1991, watching The Stone Roses performing Don't Stop. The Stone Roses did not play a note live anywhere in 1991, televised or otherwise. Furthermore, I would wager that there was not a single television broadcast, anywhere in the world in 1991, showing a recording of The Stone Roses performing Don't Stop. The first live performance of this track was on 15th May 1990, in Copenhagen. The band would play seven more gigs, and then - far from "coming into their best period" - were rapidly disappearing off the musical radar in mid-1990 (in 1991, the band's golden era was well and truly over). None of these gigs were filmed for television. So, I would venture that the 11-year-old Biggles was more likely tuning in to Grange Hill or Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles, when he threw his schoolbag on the floor on that momentous day. You're the king of dog shite. Next you'll be claiming you were having it large at the Pistols' Lesser Free Trade Hall gig in utero. The dross continues: Wiggo has made no secret of his fondness for The Jam and Paul Weller - and he wasted no time in posing for a snap with the musical hero [Paul Weller] last night. But the cycling star would have been disappointed that The Who's John Entwistle wasn't there. He said: "Everyone thinks Paul Weller is a real inspiration for me, but he's not so much of one as John Entwistle." Woah, woah, woah, reverse there for a second Wiggo... "Everyone thinks Paul Weller is a real inspiration for me..." ... I hardly think that existentialist discussions in coffeehouses nationwide are being sidetracked by what music is flavour of the month on your iPod sunshine. What we seemingly have here, in the shape of this real-life manifestation of a Quentin Blake sketch, is not so much King of England, more Mayor of Simpleton. As for the lamentation of Ellie Ross that John Entwistle was not present at this Adidas gala, I cannot figure out whether a) she is unaware that Entwistle, Wiggo's 'inspiration', has been deceased for ten years or b) she thinks it is a shame that The Who bassist did not live for another ten years so as to experience this Adidas gala featuring Bradley Wiggins (a la Will.i.am's comments on Michael Jackson). I am somewhat torn between which of the two options is worse. This manufactured 'coming together' of music and sport is the sort of shit that gives Weller & Wiggo a licence to tour the media circuit in tandem, and entertain the likes of Colin Murray (and there is a Bermuda Triangle of banality you would not want to find yourself lost in) with their drivel.**** Shortly after attending this Stone Roses / Adidas event, Paul Weller grumbled that he was "sick of seeing bands reuniting". Well, why was he there, then ? Did he stray into the venue, mistaking it for a Red Wedge convention ? I have heard Ian Brown (and some effusive commentators) laughably attempt to defend this Adidas promotional circus by aligning it with The Beatles' fusion of music and fashion in '60s pop culture. In another Adidas promotional video from 2009, the singer mused: "Yeah, there's always been a connection with music and fashion right from the 1960s. All the sort of movers and shakers of music have always brought a new fashion. Each big act brings new fashion with it and the people that follow the bands dress like the bands. That's been going on since The Beatles." In no way, shape or form are any of these Adidas corporation t-shirt promotional jaunts in touch with the spirit of '67. This is hardly Carnaby Street or Affleck's Palace now, is it ? We are now living in an age of global corporatism. "I wish everyone could have a pair", Ian patronisingly yearns in the same video. Well, given that the business model is such that those making the boots are paid £10 a week, and those boots are then sold to the tune of £150 a pair, I think it is going to be a very long time before that dream materializes. A further stumbling block to this socialist pipe dream is Ian Brown and Noel Gallagher hoarding in excess of one thousand pairs. Ian concludes the video with some grandiose philosophy: "Each of us are unique, but we're all the same." If Ian can persuade Adidas that those employed by the company in Phnom Penh are the same as those employed in the UK, then we might be getting somewhere. Ian Brown is, of course, perfectly entitled to chase the Adidas dream to whatever lengths he so desires. However, it necessarily follows that he must hand in his Social Justice card forthwith and, more importantly, cease from launching verbal tirade after verbal tirade against the Roman Catholic Church in the name of social justice. No body exalts the sanctity of life, from the womb to the tomb, more than the Roman Catholic Church. She initiated the hospital system (Saint Fabiola in the fourth century), and the orphanage system too has its foundations in Rome. The Catholic Church has cared for abandoned children throughout its history. In Ancient Rome, the birth of a disabled child was regarded by the Romans as both a mark of the gods' displeasure and a great misfortune. A high percentage of disabled children were abandoned outdoors immediately after birth and left to die, because many Romans felt it was pointless to prolong lives considered to be a practical and financial burden on the rest of the family. Dionysios of Halikarnassos wrote of the founder of Rome: "Romulus demanded that all the city's residents should raise all their male children and the first born of the girls and not kill any child under three unless the child was disabled." It was the Catholics, the early Christians, who would venture out at night in small groups, to rescue those children from being devoured by wild animals, and bring them into their homes. The Sacrifice of Calvary is reactivated in the Eucharist; let's have less of the perverted twisting of transubstantiation (Inside at the shrine / The priest sips fine wine / Dines on fine food and looks for a sign), and a little more focus on the actual contributing factors to child poverty in South America, shall we ? This is vile, third-rate Public Image Ltd ("Stained glass windows keep the cold outside...", Religion I) trash. If Ian wants to begin educating himself on why these 'little amigos' in South America are living in such deprived conditions, I will gladly drop a John Pilger DVD in the post. This Adidas celeb-fest had everything from Chris Moyles walking out (content that he had stayed long enough to get his face in the papers, the radio presenter reportedly sauntered out after just one song) to Jaime Winstone 'rocking out' (as I Am The Resurrection entered its coda, the spawn of Ray Winstone's ubiquitous, disembodied Bet365 dome - a little too keen to assert her clubbing credentials - felt compelled to ascend a platform to perform what could only be described as a hindered Mr Bean windmill dance, before being promptly motioned to return to terra firma). This gathering of the beautiful people at London's Village Underground went by the faux-hip banner of 'Adidas Underground'; a band with stronger principles, rather than giving a leg up, would be using their status to help send Adidas underground for good. I want someone who plays from his fucking HEART !!!

* "Stop killing babies" ? I could not agree more, Ian. Whisper those three words in the ear of Sinead O'Connor, who continues to fuel the cultural eugenics mindset, and see what sort of reaction you stir. Better still, get those three words printed on a T-shirt and stand outside Planned Barrenhood for an hour. The true Catholic lives in a mode of confrontation with evil, identifying evil in its objective form; any other approach takes a subjective view of evil, factoring in a personalised filter process.
** Contrary to the impression given, these Adidas gifts are not falling divinely from the sky (the freebies being eulogized here by Ian, make no mistake, are corporate works of mercy). In February 2009, Ian disclosed to The Observer that he had been offered the opportunity to go to the 2008 Champions League final via private jet, by an Adidas associate. In May 2010, Ian revealed to the Manchester Evening News that promotional work for Adidas - which consisted of him chucking a beermat at a Star Wars alien - led to an invitation, first class, with three nights in a five star hotel in South Africa, to the 2010 World Cup final. The only thing preventing him from embracing the latter offer of kindness and love was a clash with festival commitments. Quite remarkably, the tone of Ian's description of this lavish World Cup Adidas package, at one point, veers towards implication that an air of gratitude should extend towards the singer for performing at a Belgian festival on the date of the World Cup final: "I could have had a first class trip to the World Cup final and I've had to turn it down cos I'm playing in some field in Belgium" #firstworldproblems. Don't let fans who have paid good money to see you stand in the way of your Adidas gravy train, Ian. Besides, if you put in a stellar performance, this nondescript field in Belgium might transform itself into a hub of Christianity.
*** In 2014, Ian and some Adidas hipsters embark on a 'sole searching' (their wordplay folks, not mine) rescue mission to Buenos Aires, where they load up on vintage Adidas gear. I wonder if the singer encountered any impoverished amigos on his travels ? As the sapling is bent, so grows the tree. On which note, Ian Brown cares as much about children from Rio de Janeiro as professional grievance-monger and all-round publicity hound Stephen Fry does about children with bone cancer; such false compassion and cheap emotionalism is a front for their own personal enmity against God's Holy Bride. The root cause of all suffering is sin. Ever since the days of Adam, man has been blaming God for his own iniquities (Gen 3: 12, "The woman you put here..."). Christianity would not have enemies at the Boy Buggering Club if it were not an enemy to their vices. Men's reactionary provocations against God are as simple as their diets. This is a man resigned to a life of perpetual victimhood. For the recently 'hitched' manic depressive Oscar Wilde imitator, atheism is not a doctrine; it is a cry of wrath. In a long-winded challenge to a God who he doesn't believe in, it turns out that the worm of his description (half-inched from the sainted eugenicist, David Attenborough) doesn't even exist. Stephen Fry ? Based on the current trajectory, he most probably will. There is always the hope that this Twitter princess, like his idol, will become an eleventh hour Catholic convert; if not, he'll have another worm to contend with, this one very real.
**** Still peddling this line in May 2015, Wiggins managed to make it into Private Eye's Pseuds Corner when gushing about his knighthood. But it was musician Paul Weller who finally convinced Wiggins to accept the honour: "He gave me the nod on it. We were talking about it at my tailor's one day. I kind of had his blessing." They'll be knighting the fucking roulette ball next. In the same BBC article, Wiggins said that 'The Queen is Dead' was the first song to stop him in his tracks (not Don't Stop then, dickhead ?) and said of David Bowie's 'Sound and Vision', "I'd like that being played when I leave the world". This guy is a balloon. Better hope Ellie Ross isn't in charge of the tape deck for that one you galactic bellend. A cycling victory in 2016 "was like The Stone Roses at Heaton Park" according to Sir Bradley of Sideburns. Hold on a jiffy, Bradley. So, Warrington was Meadows' Spike Island and Biggles riding a bike in London was Heaton Park revisited ? I honestly can't keep up with this shit anymore.


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